Ushering in the new year, many half-heartedly written resolution lists create the mirage of the "new year new hope", alongside carefully selected sequined party outfit pieces and dapper suits in snyc with the festive vibe, and last minute plans to hit town centres and drink big (que: DUDE, let's get hammered tonight.) This is the image of new year's that I have. Oh, plus cute party hats that look better on top of fancy cakes and gold, in-your-face "2015" glasses. It is miserable to think that only the beginning of each year is worth celebrating. Everyday of every year should be lived with the same optimism and hope as January the 1st. There is no excuse for us to delay the response in resettling to our socially constructed, "optimal" form of living, where in your head you wake up one day on the perfect side of the bed and have consecutive days (not a single) like you are Annie or Snow White or something, in a world where nothing perturbs the bubble of self-awared functions. In other words, no inventing excuses to what the majority calls Getting Your Shit Together. So yes, on a new-found note of positivity, let's GYST everyday guys.
2015 is going well for me so far. I came home (funny how I call college home now) at 3am in the morning after a miserable but insightful ride out to Long Beach with friends, had a meaningful afternoon with people who are trying to GTST and made a breakthrough with a 3-mile jog. Post dinner (downed a sliver of cheesecake, oops) and a 2 hour nap, here I am, blurry-eyed and attempting to give my articulation skills and writing tools a long-needed workout.
And so, as per tradition in the digital world, what would a new year's post be sans an annual report? Looking back at 2014, I did a couple of things that I am proud of, and a couple of things that I am not. Life would not be a enjoyable journey without both sides of the coin. Prepare for verbosity and rambling.
From February to June, I did a work stint at my high school as an admistrative assistant. Then and there, I got doses of real-life politics, people skills, and self-reliance. I met wonderful people there, whom I wouldn't be able to enjoy as much without. It was a joy to listen to their life philosophy and values, and all the crazy inside jokes that went around. I was able to get closer to some of my previous teachers, whom I treasure deeply. In the midst of the muddle, I encountered problems with legal minimum wage, which was very disappointing if you take into account of the scale of operation behind the institution. Regardless of legality and unbinding agreements, I simply learned to be more knowledgable of formal positions, the rights that I am entitled to and availability of actions that I can take in my position. You never fall, you never learn how to balance, no?
For the past 9 years, I have been actively involved in my Buddhist organization's cultural group. Kiboo Kotekitai is the place where I spend my Friday nights and Saturday evenings at, with a group of sisters who share the same outlook on life and appreciation for the importance of cultural influences in our contemporary society. I will be eternally greatful to the pioneers of the organization and everyone else that was part of my journey in KK. My recent leadership role has taught me to consolidate my self identity (which is part of my recent revelations to really "do what I want and give no fucks, but not bordering to being ignorant, to the overt negativity"), injected a huge dosage of courage, instilled a certain degree of independence, and proactivity. Being surrounded with infinite potential and hope has motivated me immensely, most times in the far distance within my conscious. Eventhough I am approximately 14,000 km away from them, I feel the radiance of every member and it inspires me to continue the pursuit of mission and human revolution. The KK spirit pretty much encapsulates my inner momentum of life. There is a sense of belonging that I will never part with.
I also spent the most time with my family in 2014, as I was not studying for a fair bit of time. With time comes understanding and appreciation, both elements which I obtained. I learned the importance of tolerance and patience around people that you share a deep emotional connection with. My time at home has also motivated me to be a better timekeeper and have more discipline in life. I got really tired of moping around that I completely grossed myself out with the level of slothiness I displayed. Truth, I never want to be in that state again. Goals are extremely important.
The second half of 2013 all the way to the start to 2014 was an emotional roller coaster, needing to deal with university applications. The entire experience made me aware of my potential and allowed me to come to terms with the power of faith and daimoku. Coming to Soka University of America has really stimulated me emotionally, intellectually and physically. Un, I have developed a stronger sense of self, with more courage and confidence, has confirmed my indentification as a feminist, shown me the value of life and friendship and broadened my perspectives. I emerge after 4 months of intensity to be a more hopeful citizen of society and deeper understanding of life's perplexity. Deux, I have never read so much "real" material in my entire existence. Oh, the number of hours I have spent combing through scholarly journals and material and what nots. I am till grappling the input, storage, retrieval, synthesis and application of information. In SUA, I am glad to have been prodded to examine the contested, the tabooed and the strange. It has been a journey that I wish to embark on everyday. Even if it means staying up late to cram an insane amount of readings. The jazz ensemble class I took has reignited my appreciation for jazz (duh) and music in general. Music classes here are more personal, it's basically without the rigid structure that Malaysians are used to. Trois, I have developed a healthier lifestyle here: more physical exercise, more balanced work-play situation and more self-lovin'. All of which I am eternally greatful for! I am proud to say this is only the beginning of my development as a human being and the journey of self-cultivation.
2014 has been an important year for friendship for me. I have connected with many people here at SUA, and forged valuable friendships. I have experienced many things my sheltered self has not, which make up the enriching life experience people clamour about. Friendship is the intrinsic social aspect of our lives, and through such beautiful connections we are abe to create meaning, sense and structure to everything around us.
And of course, travelling. The one quote roaming repost pages on tumblr and twitter "The traveler sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he has come to see" (Gilbert K. Chesterton) summarises my experiences travelling through Penang and the West Coast this year. This applies especially to my recent travels after taking a class on cities and human development this semester. Pre-enlightened, I travel only to see the glitz and glamour. Now, I travel to see everything (I mean I try, it's an ongoing process): people, culture, socio-economic dynamic, infrastructure, pride, fear, marginalization, globalization etc.
So this year, I simply just want to continue to come out of the constrained view, to continue to enjoy life and make the most out of it. Maybe it's the after-effect of reading Douglas Adams' Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy talking, but our lives are indeed insignificant and fleeting. So note to self: shed the 心胸峡窄-ness. Referencing a quote a chanced upon years ago, hold the pebble close and all you see is the pebble itself. Throw it afar, and you will see all the other pebbles on the path of life. So I resolve to play hard and work harder! I wish to be able to immerse in a lot more reading and regain the momentum I use to ride on and set aside time to cultivate my passion for fashion and music.
Every day would be a New Year's start. No more regrets. No more perfection. No more being unrealistic. Here's to 2015. I wish you, your family and friends well. Have a great one!
